Bellesa
Mar 19, 2019
“Oh my god that’s horrible.” “I feel so bad for you.” “Are you sure?” “Not even alone?”
I won’t miss those questions being hurled my way, sensitively or as insensitively as they were, before I had my first orgasm. I was 28 when I had my first orgasm, but probably 24 when I admitted it to myself, and 27 when I started admitting it to other people.
I hate the fact that I still use the word “admitting,” as if it was something to be ashamed of; but that’s what it felt like, and that’s what it still feels like when I remember those responses coming my way. The people saying them probably didn’t intend to, but every time someone would respond to my anorgasmia it felt like a confrontation of “What’s wrong with you? You must be broken. You are different from the rest of us, who have been doing it all along.”
If you're not having orgasms, you're not alone
If you are someone who has not had an orgasm, or your orgasms are infrequent please hear this from me: You are not alone. This is very common. It does not mean you are broken, or that it will never happen. And I am proof!
I’ve always been a very sexual person; I love kissing, sexual closeness & was always the one initiating sex in my relationships. But I always thought of “sex” as a thing we did that was fun that ended in a male orgasm and then we were done. For some reason (many reasons I realize now) I didn’t realize that my orgasm was a thing that we were striving for or was even attainable. Probably because they don’t teach about it in health class, or the fact that any female orgasm I’d seen on TV seemed to occur within seconds of penetration and I’d think, “Well, she’s special. I guess that’s not for me.”